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Let these funny Charles H. Duell Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
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I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything
save our modes of thinking
and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Albert Einstein
The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The simple life is everything Vogue isn't.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll 
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous
When I see Spirit in everything, Peace is at hand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
- Carl Jung
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
There is nothing more depressing,
than having everything,
and still feeling sad.
- Janet Jackson
It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Presence requires an internal alertness
to the all and everything surrounding us.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Imagination decides everything.
- Blaise Pascal
So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone
Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you.
- Anonymous
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Am One With Spirit and All Creation -
I give thanks for the unity of all creation
and for everything that has brought me to this moment.
I release my entire being to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For everything I observe or experience,
I create a story - not sometimes, but always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost
He who experiences the unity of life
sees his own Self in all beings,
and all beings in his own Self,
and looks on everything with an impartial eye.
- The Buddha
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
- Osho
Could you risk believing that everything
will unfold just fine if you completely let go
of all concern about everything else,
and simply are here, now - if only for a moment?
- Dmitri Bilgere
He who has health has hope,
and he who has hope has everything.
- Anonymous
When you feel the need to hurry,
remember that everything in life is a CHOICE.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Positive thinking will let you do everything
better than negative thinking will.
- Zig Ziglar
It is against everything we stand for to take a human life.
Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing.
- Sam, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
- Lewis Carroll
Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.
- Cherie-Carter Scotts
Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In true friendship, one can express
anything and everything without feeling ashamed
or afraid of being rejected.
- Aparna Chatterjee
Everything that slows us down and forces patience,
everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature,
is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.
- May Sarton
It is hard to interest those who have everything,
in those who have nothing.
- Helen Keller
God is all there is - God includes everything,
all possibility and all action,
for Spirit is the invisible essence and substance of all form.
- Ernest Holmes
When all you know is bombs,
everything looks like a target.
Give peace and diplomacy a chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing is missing - Lack is an illusion.
We always have everything we truly need.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In spite of everything, I still believe
that people are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion, misery and death.
- Anne Frank
Everything comes to us that belongs to us
if we create the capacity to receive it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield
Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.
It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing;
it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
- Margaret Thatcher
Always aim at complete harmony
of thought and word and deed.
Always aim at purifying your thoughts
and everything will be well.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I thank Spirit for EVERYTHING
that has brought me to this moment,
and entrust my entire being
to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ah, not everything is as seems...
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.