Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


Carl Bard Quotes
Funny Quotes by Carl Bard

Let these funny Carl Bard Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein PHOTO

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)


 

Though lovers be lost love shall not.
- Dylan Thomas

Our desires always disappoint us;
for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
- Elbert Hubbard

Life is a series of experiences,
each one of which makes us bigger,
even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
- Henry Ford

I have found out that though the ways in which
I can make myself useful are few,
yet the work open to me is endless.
- Helen Keller

Trust your heart if the seas catch fire,
live by love though the stars walk backward.
- e. e. cummings

We cling to our own point of view,
as though everything depended on it.
Yet our opinions have no permanence;
like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
- Zhuangzi

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us or we find it not.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith

Whatever your work and whatever its worth,
No matter how strong or clever,
Some one will sneer if you pause to hear,
And scoff at your best endeavor.
For the target art has a broad expanse,
And wherever you chance to hit it,
Though close be your aim to the bull's-eye fame,
There are those who will never admit it.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

God is, even though the whole world deny him.
Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I never saw a discontented tree.
They grip the ground as though they liked it,
and though fast rooted, they travel about as far as we do.
- John Muir

Love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching,
live as though heaven is on earth.
- Satchel Paige

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
- Khalil Gibran

Friendship is a thing most necessary to life,
since without friends no one would choose to live,
though possessed of all other advantages.
- Aristotle

Trust your instinct to the end,
though you can render no reason.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Whoever does not regard what he has
as most ample wealth, is unhappy,
though he be master of the world.
- Epictetus

Love comes to those who still hope
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe
even though they've been betrayed,
to those who still love
even though they've been hurt before.
- Anonymous

Though we may know Him by a thousand names,
He is one and the same to us all.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

He is a drunkard who takes more than
three glasses though he be not drunk.
- Epictetus

We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley

Ambition has one heel nailed in well,
though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.
- Lao Tzu

We should live our lives as though
Christ were coming this afternoon.
- Jimmy Carter

A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir

It is much more painful to have lost
something you thought you had,
than never to have had it at all.
If feels as if our trust was dashed.
We are disappointed and we are angry;
but not quite sure at who to direct our anger.
Someone, perhaps "the system," perhaps God,
should have done better.
Most of all we are angry at ourselves -
even though we did our best -
and we are afraid.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle,
that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail,
that will to be rightful must be reasonable;
that the minority possess their equal rights,
which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.
- Thomas Jefferson

Far better is it to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though chequered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the grey twilight
that knows not victory or defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt

A scientist in his laboratory is not a mere technician:
he is also a child confronting natural phenomena
that impress him as though they were fairy tales.
- Marie Curie

Our moments of inspiration are not lost
though we have no particular poem to show for them;
for those experiences have left an indelible impression,
and we are ever and anon reminded of them.
- Henry David Thoreau

On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)

Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)

I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous

People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin

I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein

Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard


Thank you for visiting: Carl Bard Quotes - Funny Quotes by Carl Bard.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.