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Let these funny Cardinal De Retz Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A man who doesn't trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
- Cardinal De Retz
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.