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Let these funny Braveheart Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.
- the movie Braveheart
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.