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Let these funny As Good As It Gets Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain 
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb
Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous
Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare
When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore
All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous
During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler
The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill
Self-trust is the first secret of success.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The second office in the government is honorable and easy;
the first is but a splendid misery.
- Thomas Jefferson
In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Habits are cobwebs at first, cables at last.
- Chinese proverb
Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus
A leader is not one who says, "Follow me."
A leader is one who says, "I'll go first."
- Neale Donald Walsch
"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
We first make our habits, then our habits make us.
- John Dryden
Recognizing my blindness is the first step
toward regaining my sight.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
- Alfred North Whitehead
For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead
Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe
There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.
- Anonymous
A holiday, the day I first named you, "friend."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...
because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill
The first step in the evolution of ethics
is a sense of solidarity with other human beings.
- Albert Schweitzer
It's all right for a woman to be, above all, human.
I am a woman first of all.
- Anais Nin
The awareness that health is dependent
upon habits that we control
makes us the first generation in history
that to a large extent determines its own destiny.
- Jimmy Carter
All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Non-violence is the first article of my faith.
It is also the last article of my creed.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
- T. S. Eliot
Today is the first and last day of forever.
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.