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Art Buchwald Quotes
Funny Quotes by Art Buchwald

Let these funny Art Buchwald Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon


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Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series


 

Martyrs cannot be silenced.
- the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation

Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Where there is no emotion,
there is no motive for violence.
- the character Spock in the Star Trek television series

Humans do have an amazing capacity
for believing what they choose,
and excluding that which is painful.
- Spock (character in Star Trek television series)

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

To deny the facts would be illogical.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall PHOTO

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel PHOTO

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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