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Albert Ellis Quotes
Funny Quotes by Albert Ellis

Let these funny Albert Ellis Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

By not caring too much about what people think,
I'm able to think for myself
and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular.
And I succeed.
- Albert Ellis

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO


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It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO


 

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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