Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Albert Ellis Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
By not caring too much about what people think,
I'm able to think for myself
and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular.
And I succeed.
- Albert Ellis
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Thank you for visiting: Albert Ellis Quotes - Funny Quotes by Albert Ellis.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.