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Let these funny Akbar the Great (1542-1605) Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
It cannot be wisdom to assert the truth of one faith over another.
In our troubled world so full of contradictions,
the wise person makes justice his guide and learns from all.
- Akbar the Great (1542-1605)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) 
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
- Anonymous
Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession
as they torment us with their loss.
- Epicurus
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.
- Anne Bradstreet
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.
- Zhuangzi
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain,
and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin
The greatest wealth is health.
- Virgil
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Honor tradition AND question tradition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier
He who is contented is rich.
- Lao Tzu
Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Know thyself.
- Socrates (inscribed on the ancient Greek temple at Delphi)
I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The question is not what you look at, but what you see.
- Henry David Thoreau
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
I am a Passionate Observer of Life.
I See the events, feel the emotions,
and recognize the difference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You Create Your Own Reality.
- Anonymous
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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