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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Wrote Quotes
Funny Quotes about Wrote

Let these funny Wrote Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

LOVE LETTERS TO YOURSELF
This is taken from a love letter (a gentle reminder)
I wrote to myself recently.
Live in your joy today.
Be authentic. Love yourself. First.
Love others from your own abundance.
Life Changes. Circumstances change.
Sometimes you try to fit your old way
of being into new circumstances
rather than becoming new yourself.
Embrace transformation as an opportunity.
And keep on writing love letters to yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I put a piece of paper under my pillow,
and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark.
- Henry David Thoreau

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand


 

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor


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Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.