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Funny Writers Quotes
Funny Quotes about Writers

Let these funny Writers Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool.
Writers, alas, have to be fools in public,
while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks.
- Erica Jong

One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say,
but what we are unable to say.
- Anais Nin

If you wish to be a writer, write.
- Epictetus


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The final lesson a writer learns is that
everything can nourish the writer.
The dictionary, a new word, a voyage, an encounter,
a talk on the street, a book, a phrase learned.
- Anais Nin

It is the function of art to renew our perception.
What we are familiar with we cease to see.
The writer shakes up the familiar scene,
and, as if by magic, we see a new meaning in it.
- Anais Nin

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead


 

I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It's one of a parent's greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
- John Wooden

My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role,
is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel.
Not as a preacher, not as a leader,
but as a reflection of us all.
- John Lennon

I give thanks for everything that has occurred
to bring me to this moment in time.
Every event that has ever occurred in my life
has played a crucial role in delivering me to this instant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Communists have always played an active role
in the fight by colonial countries for their freedom,
because the short-term objects of Communism
would always correspond with
the long-term objects of freedom movements.
- Nelson Mandela

In the long history of the world,
only a few generations have been granted the role
of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger.
I do not shrink from this responsibility - I welcome it.
- John F. Kennedy

I Forgive Myself and All Others with Compassion -
I forgive everyone, especially myself,
for all actions and all inactions throughout my entire life.
I accept that no one else has ever been to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrence of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played any role
in any of the events of my life is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred
to bring me to this moment.
I accept that no one else is ever to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrences of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played
any role in any of the events of my life
is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.