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Funny Woods Quotes
Funny Quotes about Woods

Let these funny Woods Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Keep close to Nature's heart...
and break clear away, once in awhile,
and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean.
- John Muir

Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness
of the woods before sunrise.
- George Washington Carver

Use what talents you possess.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang there,
except those that sang best.
- Henry Van Dyke


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Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver

Take a long walk alone in the woods -
leave the cellphone and music player at home.
Your whole BEing will appreciate it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let children walk with Nature,
let them see the beautiful blendings
and communions of death and life,
their joyous inseparable unity,
as taught in woods and meadows,
plains and mountains and streams
of our blessed star,
and they will learn that death
is stingless indeed,
and as beautiful as life.
- John Muir


 

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately,
to front only the essential facts of life,
and see if I could not learn what it had to teach,
and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
- Henry David Thoreau

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day,
he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer.
But if he spends his days as a speculator,
shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time,
he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
- Henry David Thoreau

The good news is that you aren't
as important as you thought you were.
Relax. The weight of the world
is not on your shoulders.
Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost

A closed mind is like a closed book;
just a block of wood.
- Chinese proverb

People love chopping wood.
In this activity one immediately sees results.
- Albert Einstein

Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb

Men admire the man who can organize
their wishes and thoughts
in stone and wood and steel and brass.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)

Some'll rob you with a six gun,
Some with a fountain pen.
- Woody Guthrie

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden

Make your "yes" mean yes,
and your "no" mean no.
- John Wooden

Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
- John Wooden

You can't let praise or criticism get to you.
It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
- John Wooden

Beating an opponent is not a goal,
but a by-product of success.
- John Wooden

Success comes from knowing that
you did your best to become the best
that you are capable of becoming.
- John Wooden

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
- John Wooden

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden

A coach is someone who can give correction
without causing resentment.
- John Wooden

You can't live a perfect day without doing something
for someone who will never be able to repay you.
- John Wooden

Do not let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden

Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It's one of a parent's greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
- John Wooden

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
- John Wooden

Don't let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung

Confidence is the most important single factor in this game,
and no matter how great your natural talent,
there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.
- Jack Nicklaus

More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.
- Billy Sunday

I have no special talent.
I am only passionately curious.
- Albert Einstein

The gift of fantasy has meant more to me
than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

We believe that if men have the talent
to invent new machines that put men out of work,
they have the talent to put those men back to work.
- John F. Kennedy

When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

Your talent is God's gift to you.
- Leo Buscaglia

Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had
because they didn't have the talent
or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
- Nelson Mandela


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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