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Funny Winners Quotes
Funny Quotes about Winners

Let these funny Winners Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Winners never quit and quitters never win.
- Vince Lombardi

Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous

Life is unlimited.
Your world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that you contribute.
Money that is spent or given away returns multiplied.
The more love that is given, the more love returns.
The more a helping hand is given, the more hands
are strengthened and empowered to help.
We can help each other to all be winners.
We can all have food, and jobs, and love, and happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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How you respond to the challenge in the second half
will determine what you become after the game,
whether you are a winner or a loser.
- Lou Holtz

Smile.
Today would be a wonderful day
not to take life so seriously.
Today may end up the way you prefer -
and it may not.
Happiness is not about being a winner -
it's about being gentle with life -
being gentle with yourself.
Let life be a dance,
and choose the kind of
dance you want for today -
perhaps a gentle loving dance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline
when you're a winner, when you're number one.
What you've got to have is faith and discipline
when you're not yet a winner.
- Vince Lombardi


 

Do feuds ever end?
Only when both sides shake hands,
and agree that there is no winner, no loser,
only people who have wearied of fighting
and desire to live in peace.
For many years, Northern Ireland was locked
in a murderous and seemingly unending feud.
The key to ending the feud was a shared commitment
that peace was more important than vengeance.
That is always the choice to be made.
The organizers of an April 10, 2009
joint Protestant-Catholic commemoration
of the Northern Ireland dead,
comprised of members of the once-outlawed Sinn Fein
as well as their once-avowed enemies,
referred to, "the terrible, random nature
of death in war and civil conflict."
Some lessons have been learned, many more remain.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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