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Let these funny Whining Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Laugh at yourself and at life.
Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity,
but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain,
cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective
that seemingly terrible defeat and worry
with laughter at your predicaments,
thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution
that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.
- Og Mandino
Don't complain, don't whine, and don't gossip.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hell is living with someone who complains, whines, and argues.
- Anonymous
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln
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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The ad agency's name for Hell is "Las Vegas."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill
If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Winston Churchill
Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.
- Emily Dickinson
When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver
The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those
who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe
It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha
An "enemy" is a mirage -
an image of self reflected on the sands of Hell.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding
Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.