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What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
- John Lennon
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Human salvation lies in the hands
of the creatively maladjusted.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra
Laugh at Life - it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am firm; YOU are obstinate; HE is a pig-headed fool.
- Bertrand Russell
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I cannot pretend to be impartial about the colors.
I rejoice with the brilliant ones, and
am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.
- Winston Churchill
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
- Anonymous
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris
Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.