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Let these funny West Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
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Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west;
people create distinctions out of their own minds
and then believe them to be true.
- The Buddha
A broken bone can heal, but the wound
a word opens can fester forever.
- Jessamyn West
I would heartily welcome the union of East and West
provided it is not based on brute force.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm,
you'll never enjoy the sunshine.
- Morris West
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- West African proverb famously quoted by Theodore Roosevelt
We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking
only to learn that it is God shaking them.
- Charles West
Confidence is the most important thing,
more important than gold or currency.
- Wen Jiabao
A flower is a weed seen through joyful eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know that a flower is a weed seen through joyful eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Call a plant beautiful, and it becomes a flower.
Call it ugly, and it becomes a weed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues
have never been discovered.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen
Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens
reflect the kind of care they get.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Sow a seed and the earth will yield you a flower.
Dream your dream to the sky
and it will bring you your beloved.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is the answer, and you know that for sure;
Love is a flower, you've got to let it grow.
- John Lennon
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
- Victor Hugo
To see the world in a grain of sand,
and to see heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour.
- William Blake
I want it said of me by those who knew me best,
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln
Love is like a beautiful flower
which I may not touch,
but whose fragrance makes the garden
a place of delight just the same.
- Helen Keller
The flower which is single need not envy
the thorns that are numerous.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln
When the heart-mind opens, the nectar of its flower is Joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
By plucking her petals,
you do not gather the beauty of the flower.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.
Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower
or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets,
but I have found that when I silently commune with people
they give up their secrets also - if you love them enough.
- George Washington Carver
I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver
All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower
wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.
- Abraham Lincoln
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.