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Let these funny Weak Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson
Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.
- Kamran Hamid
He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak.
Strong convictions precede great actions.
- Louisa May Alcott
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The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
In the world there is nothing more
submissive and weak than water.
Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong,
nothing can surpass it.
- Lao Tzu
History does not long entrust the care of freedom
to the weak or the timid.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel
A weak man is just by accident.
A strong but non-violent man is unjust by accident.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
How can any man be weak who dares to be at all?
- Henry David Thoreau
How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver
One truth stands firm. All that happens in world history
rests on something spiritual.
If the spiritual is strong, it creates world history.
If it is weak, it suffers world history.
- Albert Schweitzer
It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom.
It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest
might weaken and the wisest might err.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock
Only strength can cooperate. Weakness can only beg.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief ...
and unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison
You can't let praise or criticism get to you.
It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
- John Wooden
As you simplify your life,
the laws of the universe will be simpler;
solitude will not be solitude,
poverty will not be poverty,
nor weakness weakness.
- Henry David Thoreau
Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.
- Albert Einstein
Simulated disorder postulates perfect discipline;
simulated fear postulates courage;
simulated weakness postulates strength.
- Lao Tzu
Prayer is a confession of one's own unworthiness and weakness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul.
It is daily admission of one's weakness.
It is better in prayer to have a heart without words
than words without a heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.