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Funny Virus Quotes
Funny Quotes about Virus

Let these funny Virus Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Love is like a virus.
It can happen to anybody at any time.
- Maya Angelou

Language is a virus from outer space.
- William S. Burroughs

Of course, screening for HIV did essentially eliminate
the transmission of this virus by transfusions.
- Serge Lang


 

Great writers arrive among us like new diseases threatening,
powerful, impatient for patients to pick up their virus,
irresistible.
- Craig Raine

What perhaps should receive more attention is the effect
of the treatment on the virus.
- Luc Montagnier

The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as
a means of genocide against people of color.
The government lied.
- Jeremiah Wright


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We started the AIDS virus.
We are only able to maintain our level of living by
making sure that Third World people live in grinding poverty.
- Jeremiah Wright

Since most of the transmission is sexual transmission,
you have a regional or local response to the virus.
- Luc Montagnier

An inefficient virus kills its host.
A clever virus stays with it.
- James Lovelock

As every new breed of virus is conceived,
created and released into the wild, another small change
is made to the anti-virus software to combat the new threat.
- Glenn Turner

The mystery of that damn virus has been generated by
the $2 billion a year they spend on it.
- Kary Mullis

Think of the earth as a living organism that is being
attacked by billions of bacteria whose numbers double every forty years.
Either the host dies, or the virus dies,
or both die.
- Gore Vidal

Indecision is a virus that can run through an army
and destroy its will to win or even to survive.
- Wendell Mayes

After all, just one virus on a computer is one too many.
- Glenn Turner

The idea of the live-virus vaccine is to produce in
a continuous way some viral antigens.
- Luc Montagnier

I want to avoid locking people into solutions that work only with Postfix.
People should have a choice in what software they want to use with Postfix,
be it anti-virus or otherwise.
- Wietse Venema

I pictured myself as a virus or a cancer cell and tried
to sense what it would be like.
- Jonas Salk

Freedom is the most contagious virus known to man.
- Hubert H. Humphrey

In fact, a large majority of those have died and of
those expected to die of AIDS,
as well as of those who are infected with the virus,
are in sub-Saharan Africa.
- Claudio Hummes

The discovery that I soon made that the guinea pig
was also susceptible to infection made it possible for me,
from the third year on, to preserve the virus on this animal.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

There is one major problem with anti-virus software:
It needs updating.
Users cannot be relied upon to have even the anti-virus
software in the first place,
let alone be able or willing to pay for the updates.
- Glenn Turner

Violence and irrationality were so long and thoroughly
cultivated among the Irish,
and so perfectly ingrained into their nature,
that modern civilization has as yet been unable to extract the virus.
- Thomas Mellon

From the practical point of view, the susceptibility
to infection of the guinea pig proved to be the most useful step forward.
Today, all laboratories use this animal for preserving the virus.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

Most of the trouble in this world has been caused by
folks who can't mind their own business,
because they have no business of their own to mind,
any more than a smallpox virus has.
- William S. Burroughs

I wanted to play around with the format,
really tear it to pieces and shake it up.
For example, if Mitch saves someone from drowning,
and that person then goes out and releases a virus
that kills a million people.
Imagine the moral implications of that.
- David Hasselhoff

With the absence of a flu vaccination last year,
I did not take a flu shot; but there is still some
immunity that carries over from year to year;
but about every 30 years,
there is a major change in the genetics of the flu virus.
- Michael Burgess

Just as the only reservoir for the typhus virus in
nature is provided by man,
so the only vector of infection is the louse.
The bite of the louse is not virulent immediately after the infecting meal.
It becomes so only towards the 7th day following infection.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

I was less successful in my attempts to effect preventive
vaccination against typhus by using the virus and in
trying to produce large quantities of serum using large animals.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

What seems to be clear to me is that after the primary
infection most of the cells die indirectly,
but at the later stage, when the viral load is very high,
the virus kills a lot of cells directly.
- Luc Montagnier

I think computer viruses should count as life.
I think it says something about human nature that the
only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive.
We've created life in our own image.
- Stephen Hawking

Images contaminate us like viruses.
- Paul Virilio

The risk from viruses is an unanswered question -
and it won't be answered until you have had organs
transplanted into humans over many years.
- Ian Smith

For the first time in history we can track the evolution
of a pandemic in real time.
Influenza viruses are notorious for their rapid mutation
and unpredictable behaviour.
- Margaret Chan

It seems likely that most if not all the genetic information
in any organism is carried by nucleic acid -
usually by DNA,
although certain small viruses use RNA as their genetic material.
- Francis Crick

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
- Ellen DeGeneres

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography
until after they're dead.
- Samuel Goldwyn

I think serial monogamy says it all.
- Tracey Ullman

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Women don't want to hear what you think.
Women want to hear what they think -
in a deeper voice.
- Bill Cosby

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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