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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Version Quotes
Funny Quotes about Version

Let these funny Version Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

I have become my own version of an optimist.
If I can't make it through one door,
I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door.
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The things of this world exist;
they are; you can't refuse them.
- Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching - Book One #2 - version by Ursula K. Le Guin


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Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.
- Omar Khayyam

It is a fact often observed,
that men have written good verses
under the inspiration of passion,
who cannot write well under other circumstances.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon


 

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan

Every known fact in natural science was divined
by the presentiment of somebody,
before it was actually verified.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong

To say that authority, whether secular or religious,
supplies no ground for morality
is not to deny the obvious fact that it supplies a sanction.
- Joseph Addison

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
- Socrates

Cause and effect are two sides of one fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein

Now there is one outstanding important fact regarding spaceship earth,
and that is that no instruction book came with it.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

It is a fact that cannot be denied:
the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness
because it kindles something evil in our own hearts.
- Carl Jung

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing,
we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
- Robert Cushing

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability
of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.
- Henry David Thoreau

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
- Marcus Aurelius

Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Patience is a form of wisdom.
It demonstrates that we understand and accept
the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

The fact that I exist is a perpetual surprise.
- Rabindranath Tagore

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact.
- William James

It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace
only by preparing for war.
- John F. Kennedy

The mind exists in time, in fact the mind is time;
it exists in the past and the future.
And remember, time consists of only two tenses,
the past and the future.
The present is not part of time,
the present is part of eternity.
- Osho

Fix reason firmly in her seat,
and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion.
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one,
he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blindfolded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

A nation which has forgotten the quality of courage
which in the past has been brought to public life
is not as likely to insist upon or regard
that quality in its chosen leaders today -
and in fact we have forgotten.
- John F. Kennedy

We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% how I react to it.
- Charles R. Swindoll

All the Buddhas of all the ages have been
telling you a very simple fact:
Be - don't try to become.
Within these two words, be and becoming,
your whole life is contained.
Being is enlightenment, becoming is ignorance.
- Osho

The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born -
that there is a genetic factor to leadership.
This myth asserts that people simply either
have certain charismatic qualities or not.
That's nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true.
Leaders are made rather than born.
- Warren G. Bennis

He didn't come out of my belly, but my God,
I've made his bones, because I've attended to every meal,
and how he sleeps,
and the fact that he swims like a fish
because I took him to the ocean.
I'm so proud of all those things.
But he is my biggest pride.
- John Lennon

Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.
Every appearance in nature corresponds to some state of the mind,
and that state of the mind can only be described
by presenting that natural appearance as its picture.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Memory diffuses fact.
- Diane Sawyer

My share of the work may be limited,
but the fact that it is work makes it precious.
- Helen Keller

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude to me is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than success,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill.
It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past ...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you ...
we are in charge of our attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll

Every fact is related on one side to sensation,
and, on the other, to morals.
The game of thought is, on the appearance
of one of these two sides,
to find the other: given the upper, to find the under side.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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