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Let these funny Untouchable Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Ninety-nine percent of who you are
is invisible and untouchable.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Life is ten percent what happens to you
and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz
Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver
Genius is one percent inspiration
and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
- Thomas Edison
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I think and think for months and years.
Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false.
The hundredth time I am right.
- Albert Einstein
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.