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Let these funny Undefined Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.