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Let these funny Troublesome Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The jealous are troublesome to others,
but a torment to themselves.
- William Penn
He that is jealous is not in love.
- Saint Augustine
No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful, or greedy -
unless you let him.
- Napoleon Hill
Wisdom I know is social.
She seeks her fellows.
But Beauty is jealous,
and illy bears the presence of a rival.
- Thomas Jefferson
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I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5
We are composed of self-contradictions.
Each of us is loving in some moments - hateful in others.
Patient and calm sometimes - harried by urgency at others.
Understanding - and self-absorbed.
Reassuring - and sarcastic.
Generous - and greedy.
Trusting - and jealous.
Comforting - and snappish.
Original - and stuck in a rut.
Thankful - and needy.
Forgiving - and vengeful.
Nurturing ourself - and stuffing ourself with fast food.
Honoring our bodies - and overstressing.
Being Joyful - and Suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A loving relationship is one in which
the loved one is free to be himself -
to laugh with me, but never at me;
to cry with me, but never because of me;
to love life, to love himself,
to love being loved.
Such a relationship is based upon freedom
and can never grow in a jealous heart.
- Leo F. Buscaglia
"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.