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Funny Tons Quotes
Funny Quotes about Tons

Let these funny Tons Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My definition of success is to live your life in a way
that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain -
and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel
a lot more pleasure than they do pain.
- Tony Robbins

Sometimes it is better to lose
and do the right thing
than to win and do the wrong thing.
- Tony Blair


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People are not lazy.
They simply have impotent goals -
that is, goals that do not inspire them.
- Tony Robbins

The path to success is to take massive, determined action.
- Tony Robbins

It is not what we get.
But who we become, what we contribute...
that gives meaning to our lives.
- Tony Robbins


 

To succeed, you need to find
something to hold on to,
something to motivate you,
something to inspire you.
- Tony Dorsett

We can change our lives.
We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.
- Tony Robbins

Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.
- Tony Robbins

If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid;
if you don't ask a stupid question, you remain stupid.
- Tony Rothman

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you've always gotten.
- Tony Robbins (quoting Mark Twain)

Whatever happens, take responsibility.
- Tony Robbins

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

Only those who have learned the power
of sincere and selfless contribution
experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.
- Tony Robbins

Stay committed to your decisions,
but stay flexible in your approach.
- Tony Robbins

I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece.
I challenge you to join the ranks of those people
who live what they teach, who walk their talk.
- Tony Robbins

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,
but the thought which it suggests;
just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones
but in the echoes of our hearts.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill

That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould

The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie

Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous

You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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