Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Third Quotes
Funny Quotes about Third

Let these funny Third Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Don't forget Mother's Day.
Or as they call it in Beverly Hills,
Dad's Third Wife Day.
- Jay Leno

I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote

Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


When you are fitted in a racing car and you race to win,
second or third place is not enough.
- Ayrton Senna

If you do something once,
people will call it an accident.
If you do it twice, t
hey call it a coincidence.
But do it a third time, and
you've just proven a natural law.
- Grace Hopper

Some people are born on third base and go through life
thinking they hit a triple.
- Barry Switzer

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

If we were to select the most intelligent,
imaginative, energetic, and emotionally stable third of mankind,
all races would be present.
- Franz Boas

By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First,
by reflection, which is noblest; Second,
by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience,
which is the bitterest.
- Confucius

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first,
friends and family second and you third,
we won't ever have an argument.
- Jeff Foxworthy

If you have an important point to make,
don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.
Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again.
Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
- Winston Churchill

I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu

I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5

It is much the best way...
to lay the emphasis on the first part of the bar in triple time,
and on the first and third parts of the bar in common time.
- William Billings

And, strangely, this one of the few things in life that the third,
the latter, the buy with our eyes closed has actually
done better than everybody else.
- Jim Cramer

My third appeal is to my fellow citizens in all countries:
Help us to establish lasting peace in the world.
- Joseph Rotblat

They wanted me to play third like Brooks so I did play like Brooks -
Mel Brooks.
- Andy Van Slyke

By the time I did that third solo album,
I'd finally learned how to do it, but I'd also learned
that I liked being in a band.
- Tommy Shaw

When we did Top of the Pops for the third time,
we decided to do it as a television program here called Come Dancing,
which is not as rude as it sounds.
- Neil Innes

Death, so called, is a thing which makes men weep,
And yet a third of life is passed in sleep.
- Lord Byron

I felt no stigma whatsoever in becoming the third Mrs.
Gifford.
- Kathie Lee Gifford

Alabama seniors all across the Third Congressional
District continue facing high drug costs.
- Mike Rogers

It's nice to have a lot of people in the field.
Independent, third party, Libertarian,
Reform and other party candidates can do what they want to do.
I welcome them to the race.
- John Murray

And then for the first time in history a Cook County
state's attorney was reelected for a third time.
- Richard M. Daley

We're a superpower with a Third World grid.
- Bill Richardson

A third force, developing itself more slowly,
becomes even more potent than the rest:
the power of gold.
- John Lothrop Motley

The second purchase was my ranch, Mockingbird Hill.
The third purchase was Longhorn cattle.
- Janine Turner

I'll go through life either first class or third,
but never in second.
- Noel Coward

I therefore shared fully the intense chagrin of the
New York and other State delegations when,
on the third ballot, Abraham Lincoln received a larger vote than Seward.
- Henry Villard

All I will say is that there are particular features
of the American constitutional system that renders a third party futile -
at best.
- Todd Gitlin

The first time you marry for love, the second for money,
and the third for companionship.
- Jackie Kennedy

Drink the first.
Sip the second slowly.
Skip the third.
- Knute Rockne

More than 820 million people in the world suffer from hunger;
and 790 million of them live in the Third World.
- Fidel Castro

As the third anniversary of the September 11th attacks
draws near we must ensure our nation is prepared to
handle the continued threat of violence and terrorism on our country.
- Leonard Boswell

Head Start is especially important to Latino children.
Latino children make up more than one-third,
34 percent, of all those eligible for the program.
- Joe Baca

I don't think DIY is something that necessarily comes
to mind when people hear Third Eye Blind,
but that is completely how we've been from the beginning.
- Stephan Jenkins

Everything that happens once can never happen again.
But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.
- Paulo Coelho

The third man in the ring makes boxing possible.
- Joyce Carol Oates

There are three secrets to managing.
The first secret is have patience.
The second is be patient.
And the third most important secret is patience.
- Chuck Tanner

We are 5 percent of the global population and consume
a third of the total resources -
on some level we should all feel guilty relative to the world.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Good God, if our civilization were to sober up for
a couple of days it'd die of remorse on the third.
- Malcolm Lowry

To the first class belong the Gospels and Acts;
to the second,
the Epistles; to the third, the Revelation.
- Philip Schaff

What the government has to do, if it wants to govern for any length of time,
is it must appeal primarily to the third parties in
the House of Commons to get them to support it.
- Stephen Harper

It is amazing how the public steadfastly refuse to
attend the third day of a match when so often the last
day produces the best and most exciting cricket.
- Frank Woolley

I pitched a storyline, and as far as I know it's been picked up.
It's for the third and final episode I'm contracted to do.
But I can't give any spoilers.
- Corin Nemec

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.
- Navjot Singh Sidhu

The fat lady hasn't sung yet.
We'll wait until we get a look at what is in the motion passed on third reading.
- Bobby Orr

If I could be a third of the woman that my mom is and
have a third of the strength that she has,
then I will have done good by this life.
- Brittany Murphy

I had too much respect for the game to leave it behind
or to make it my second or third sport in college.
- Ryne Sandberg

For the last third of life there remains only work.
It alone is always stimulating, rejuvenating,
exciting and satisfying.
- Doris Lessing

I'm a third done into a new book but sorry -
I have a superstition about talking about it!
- Joanna Trollope

Ambient Devices is what I call part of the Third Wave of Internet devices.
- David Rose

On the third stage is used for medicine,
it is not known to the public.
- Betty Hill

A theory has only the alternative of being right or wrong.
A model has a third possibility: it may be right,
but irrelevant.
- Manfred Eigen

The first step toward liberty is to miss liberty;
the second,
to seek it; the third, to find it.
- Leopold Zunz

The third fallacy is that affirmative action doesn't work.
- Harold Washington

John Henry Lloyd is the man I gave the credit to for polishing my skills.
He taught me how to play third base and how to protect myself.
John taught me more baseball than anyone else.
- Judy Johnson

To have one's own story told by a third party who doesn't
know that the character in question is himself the
hero of the story being told,
that's a technical refinement.
- Raymond Queneau

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations:
fight or flee.
In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative;
fight,
flee - or laugh.
- Robert Orben

Most of the doctors in the Tunisian administration,
especially those in country districts,
contracted typhus and approximately one third of them died of it.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

This time all the historical details and things were right.
But I'd written it again in third person,
and people found it dry.
I decided to throw that one away.
- Arthur Golden

First-rate people hire first-rate people;
second-rate people hire third-rate people.
- Leo Rosten

A lifetime contract for a coach means if you're ahead
in the third quarter and moving the ball,
they can't fire you.
- Lou Holtz

There is a third dimension to traveling,
the longing for what is beyond.
- Jan Myrdal

The third year of MASH was when I realized I was a hit.
- Jamie Farr

The second draft is on yellow paper,
that's when I work on characterizations.
The third is pink, I work on story motivations.
Then blue, that's where I cut, cut, cut.
- Jacqueline Susann

I enjoy writing for third and fourth graders most of all.
- Beverly Cleary


Thank you for visiting: Funny Third Quotes - Funny Quotes about Third.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.