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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Thee Quotes
Funny Quotes about Thee

Let these funny Thee Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

Be an opener of doors for such as come after thee.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Control thy passions lest they take vengeance upon thee.
- Epictetus

If thy brother wrongs thee,
remember not so much his wrong-doing,
but more than ever that he is thy brother.
- Epictetus


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I argue thee that love is life.
And life hath immortality.
- Emily Dickinson

Tell me what company thou keepst,
and I'll tell thee what thou art.
- Miguel de Cervantes

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning


 

I offer my body, my mind
and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose
to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work,
and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered
to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.
- Psalm 16:1

Most people consider the course of events as natural and inevitable.
They little know what radical change are possible through prayer.
Every morning I offer my body, my mind and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O infinite creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Then came Peter to him, and said,
Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee,
Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
- Matthew 18:21-22

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
- Mark Twain

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If you fear making anyone mad,
then you ultimately probe for
the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
- Jimmy Carter

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

Every human life contains a potential,
if that potential is not fulfilled,
then that life was wasted...
- Carl Jung

Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself.
You will then find out how easy it is to get along.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
- Henry David Thoreau

Choose wisely - then act decisively. Do it today!
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like a snail to our impatience,
then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath.
- the movie Simon Birch

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb

Laughter gives us distance.
It allows us to step back from an event,
deal with it and then move on.
- Bob Newhart

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

When you are offended at any man's fault,
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger.
- Epictetus

If the machine of government is of such a nature
that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another,
then, I say, break the law.
- Henry David Thoreau

You need to make a commitment,
and once you make it,
then life will give you some answers.
- Les Brown

If everyone is moving forward together,
then success takes care of itself.
- Henry Ford

Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs
when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing,
because it can disappear for a long time,
and then pop back up when you least expect it.
- Lemony Snicket

When you see something done,
know that you intended it.
If you don't like what you see,
then deeply examine your intentions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Honor your past, and all the consequences of that past.
Receive insight into relieving the pain
caused by past experiences and current attitudes toward life.
Observe life as it currently appears,
and then train yourself to observe life
from other perspectives that support a higher quality of living.
Re-consider your priorities.
Chart your Course.
Set Sail with Courage.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If we could first know where we are,
and whither we are tending,
we could then better judge what to do,
and how to do it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things,
and then proceed to greater.
- Epictetus

If you wish to see the truth,
then hold no opinion for or against.
- Osho

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

If physical death is the price
that I must pay to free my brothers and sisters
from a permanent death of the spirit,
then nothing can be more redemptive.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I wrap the potential for bitterness,
resentment, martyrdom in the blanket of forgiveness
and just set it down.
Then it just melts in the warmth. And goes away.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy.
What right have we then to depreciate imagination.
- Carl Jung

You have to learn the rules of the game.
And then you have to play better than anyone else.
- Albert Einstein

Our real problem, then, is not our strength today;
it is rather the vital necessity of action today
to ensure our strength tomorrow.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Play the game for more than you can afford to lose...
only then will you learn the game.
- Winston Churchill


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.