Funny Testament Quotes - Funny Quotes about Testament

Funny Testament Quotes
Funny Quotes about Testament

Let these funny Testament Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Globalization, as defined by rich people like us,
is a very nice thing...
you are talking about the Internet,
you are talking about cell phones,
you are talking about computers.
This doesn't affect two-thirds of the people of the world.
- Jimmy Carter

A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill

When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

We are never afraid of what is happening in this instant -
It is what MIGHT happen next that frightens us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My whole goal is to keep my spirit intact.
If that doesn't happen, none of this is worth it.
- Jewel

INTENT:
We hold the power to make things happen
through our intent -
to the extent that we use our intention
with compassion and without ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

It had long since come to my attention
that people of accomplishment
rarely sat back and let things happen to them.
They went out and happened to things.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I know the price of success: dedication, hard work,
and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Balance happens when I invite it to happen
with my intentional actions and my guided perspective.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not anticipate trouble,
or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.
- Benjamin Franklin

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

In your days - things like this happen to you...
You get a tap, a nudge, a gentle shake,
and life whispers to you, "I know you're tired -
but I don't want you to miss this."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

While most managers spend their time attempting
to predict the future accurately -
and while that's valuable -
the best managers are able to generate a future
which was not going to happen otherwise -
that is, a future which was not predictable.
- Werner Erhard

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was:
"If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?"
But... the good Samaritan reversed the question:
"If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

First meditate, be blissful,
then much love will happen of its own accord.
Then being with others is beautiful
and being alone is also beautiful.
Then it is simple, too.
You dont depend on others
and you dont make others dependent on you.
- Osho

Well, I don't know what will happen now.
We've got some difficult days ahead.
But it doesn't matter with me now.
Because I've been to the mountaintop.
And I don't mind. Like any man,
I would like to live a long life.
Longevity has its place.
But I'm not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God's will.
And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.
And I've looked over.
And I've seen the promised land.
I may not get there with you.
But I want you to know tonight, that we,
as a people, will get to the promised land.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

This [the Holocaust] must never happen again. ...
Be vigilant about your rights.
Care about the rights and human dignity of others.
When the rights of any group, no matter how small,
no matter how marginal, are violated,
your liberty, your freedom is put at risk.
Let there never be a day when we cast about in horror
and have to ask the question, "How did it ever come to this?"
- Thomas Childers, Ph.D., Professor of History,
University of Pennsylvania, in the closing remarks
of his six-hour Teaching Company audio lecture series

Meddling:
Everything that happens in the world, or doesn't happen,
is NOT my responsibility.
There are more than enough things that are my responsibility.
I am responsible for my thoughts, my beliefs, and my actions -
and that is enough.
It does not serve me to mind anyone else's business.
I can only make myself unhappy by trying to second guess
what anyone else thinks or does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Faith:
When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:
...
There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly
- Patrick Overton - from his book of poems: The Leaning Tree, 1975
[Widely mis-attributed to Barbara J. Winter, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and others]

Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic,
that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -
and there is no experiment up to now
that has found any center in the brain
which corresponds to awareness.
The whole work of meditation is
to make you aware of all that is "mind"
and disidentify yourself from it.
That very separation is the
greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now you can do and act on only that
which makes you more joyous, fulfills you,
gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty.
But this is possible only if the master in you is awake.
- Osho

A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho

No part of the education of a politician is more indispensable
than the fighting of elections.
- Winston Churchill

The politician in my country seeks votes,
affection and respect, in that order.
With few notable exceptions,
they are simply men who want to be loved.
- Edward R. Murrow

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Testament