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Funny Terrible Quotes
Funny Quotes about Terrible

Let these funny Terrible Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror.
As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.
- Carl Jung


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It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.
- Helen Keller

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling

The most terrible poverty is loneliness
and the feeling of being unloved.
- Mother Teresa


 

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted
is the most terrible poverty.
- Mother Teresa

Mastery is not measured by the number of terrible
things you eliminate from your life, but by
the number of times you eliminate calling them terrible.
- Neale Donald Walsch

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

The most terrible job in warfare is to be a second lieutenant
leading a platoon when you are on the battlefield.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Living in fear of anything is a terrible waste
of what could be a great life.
If you live in fear of losing your job,
either you fear the embarrassment of being jobless,
or you fear the loss of material goods -
house, car, and such.
If you live in fear of losing your stuff and money,
it is clear that they own you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Laugh at yourself and at life.
Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity,
but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain,
cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective
that seemingly terrible defeat and worry
with laughter at your predicaments,
thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution
that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.
- Og Mandino

Do feuds ever end?
Only when both sides shake hands,
and agree that there is no winner, no loser,
only people who have wearied of fighting
and desire to live in peace.
For many years, Northern Ireland was locked
in a murderous and seemingly unending feud.
The key to ending the feud was a shared commitment
that peace was more important than vengeance.
That is always the choice to be made.
The organizers of an April 10, 2009
joint Protestant-Catholic commemoration
of the Northern Ireland dead,
comprised of members of the once-outlawed Sinn Fein
as well as their once-avowed enemies,
referred to, "the terrible, random nature
of death in war and civil conflict."
Some lessons have been learned, many more remain.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russell

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill


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