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Funny Television Quotes
Funny Quotes about Television

Let these funny Television Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Television has brought back murder into the home -
where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen


 

Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series


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In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions

Martyrs cannot be silenced.
- the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

Where there is no emotion,
there is no motive for violence.
- the character Spock in the Star Trek television series

The car trip can draw the family together,
as it was in the days before television when parents
and children actually talked to each other.
- Andrew H. Malcolm

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

Humans do have an amazing capacity
for believing what they choose,
and excluding that which is painful.
- Spock (character in Star Trek television series)

Many of our own people here in this country do not ask about computers,
telephones and television sets.
They ask - when will we get a road to our village.
- Thabo Mbeki

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen

I think people have a vague sense that the television system is changing.
- Michael K. Powell

Television is democracy at its ugliest.
- Paddy Chayefsky

Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films
when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?
- Samuel Goldwyn

I've always had an inquisitive mind about everything
from flowers to television sets to motor cars.
Always pulled them apart - couldn't put 'em back,
but always extremely interested in how things work.
- Craig Johnston

I mean, I'm pretty good in real life,
but sometimes people seem surprised that I'm like a
normal teenager and wear black nail polish and I'm
just a little bit more edgy than the person I play on television.
- Brittany Snow

To deny the facts would be illogical.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Commercials on television are similar to sex and taxes;
the more talk there is about them,
the less likely they are to be curbed.
- Jack Gould

I moved to LA and decided to do films and television,
mainly because the theater in New York is totally dead.
- Shirley Knight

There was no television, so the radio provided you with everything.
- Ruben Blades

Television has made places look alike,
and it has transformed the way we see.
A whole generation of Americans, maybe two,
has grown up looking at the world through a lens.
- Ronald Steel

There are days when any electrical appliance in the house,
including the vacuum cleaner, seems to offer more entertainment
possibilities than the television set.
- Harriet Van Horne

There was only so much television you could do.
- Jackie Cooper

I've always tried to not let movie, television or theatre
be all that my life is about.
I've always tried to get involved in the community
or my family now I have kids.
- David Morse

You make a choice whether or not to turn that TV on.
We didn't even have a television in the house.
- Christine Baranski

Carol Burnett was particularly funny.
She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.
- Garry Shandling

So, I understand when they make a mistake and everyone
at home is throwing their shoe at the television set.
- Vanna White

Television is now so desperately hungry for material
that they're scraping the top of the barrel.
- Gore Vidal

Supermodels are over, and the new picture girl has
become the television actress.
- Portia de Rossi

The sense of national catastrophe is inevitably heightened in a television age,
when the whole country participates in it.
- R. W. Apple, Jr.

We didn't have television in those days,
and many people didn't even have radios.
My mother would read aloud to my father and me in the evening.
- Beverly Cleary

In 1949 there was a new thing called Television,
to which my agency and advisers opposed as a performance medium.
- Loretta Young

Late night television is ready for someone like me...
standards have gone to an all-time low.
- Howard Stern

Violent behavior exists in one's psychological makeup
much deeper than the level that receives information
from television or movies.
- Richard King

Time is money, as they say, and it was never more apropos
than on a television show,
where a minute is worth about $200!
- Dirk Benedict

I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx

Television doesn't make stars.
It's the written media, the press, that makes stars.
- Chevy Chase

Cutting edge, breakthrough, television.
That's what we want to do.
- Anthony Michael Hall

Most of my life I was occupied with American television and American food.
My ethnicity was my choice.
It still is.
- Isaac Mizrahi

Art is moral passion married to entertainment.
Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda,
and entertainment without moral passion is television.
- Rita Mae Brown

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people
and sometimes they aren't.
I don't know if its the way you say it,
or how you look.
- Dan Quayle

Richard Lloyd of Television is one of my favorite guitarists.
His mentor was Jimi Hendrix when he was just 14.
Jimi was always pounding everything he knew into that kid.
- Tina Weymouth

I want to do theater and I am looking forward to doing
more Television and Movies.
I also want to direct some plays in theater workshops
for people with disabilities.
- Chris Burke

We don't perceive a contradiction between writing books,
making films or producing a television program.
These days you can't choose how you want to express yourself anymore.
- Alexander Kluge

On some level any appearance on Television can be seen
as a product endorsement.
- Marc Maron

We all know that television is better for women as they get into their 40s.
You could be more three-dimensional,
not just the wife or the mother.
- Dana Delany

I always wanted to be a full-time musician.
Every television job I had was a means to buy a grand piano,
or to put in a recording studio, or something like that.
- John Tesh

It's really live television, the way God meant it to be.
- Bruce Vilanch

My belief is that what comes across on the television
is a capture of my enthusiasm and my passion for wildlife.
- Steve Irwin

I really love the process, with stage,
of rehearsal, you get to create a character,
and you have a beginning, a middle, and an end of story.
And in television, you don't.
- Sasha Alexander

I got my heroes secondhand, from television and movies,
to a certain extent.
- Brad Bird

People magazine had been around for a short period of time,
but nobody had thought about putting entertainment
news on a nightly basis on television.
- Mary Hart

You do show after show after show and get them done and on the air.
Television devours material.
We work a minimum of 12, 14 hours, and often 15,
18 hours a day.
- Parker Stevenson

He who is created by television can be destroyed by television.
- Theodore White

I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant
because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil.
- Uri Geller

Look at the declining television coverage.
Look at the declining voting rate.
Economics and economic news is what moves the country now,
not politics.
- Robert Teeter

The geographical isolation and lack of television made
world happenings and problems seem remote.
- Paul D. Boyer

I'd love to star in a television series of my own.
I love the idea of living with a character for a number of years,
watching him grow.
- Michael Dorn

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.
- Larry Gelbart

Television should be kept in its proper place -
beside us,
before us, but never between us and the larger life.
- Robert Fraser

It's a word called symbiotic, you send the messages
and it comes back in return.
Together, it's a wonderful thing, it's why television
is so great and film can never reach.
- Robert Stack

But I never, never thought of the ministry nor did -
of course,
television when I was growing up, there was no television.
So I didn't know anything about it.
- Pat Robertson

Lights became so hot they melted mascara on women's
faces in early television.
- Johnny Olson


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