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Let these funny Swap Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have friends in overalls
whose friendship I would not swap
for the favor of the kings of the world.
- Thomas A. Edison
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
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A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those that want friends to open themselves unto
are cannibals of their own hearts.
- Francis Bacon
Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends.
- Robert E. Lee
We'll be friends until forever, just you wait and see.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Fear makes strangers of people
who would otherwise be friends.
- Shirley MacLaine
I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
Friends... they cherish one another's hopes.
They are kind to one another's dreams.
- Henry David Thoreau
True friends are appreciative and never demanding.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friends are like bras:
close to your heart and there for support.
- Anonymous
Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry
Friendship is a thing most necessary to life,
since without friends no one would choose to live,
though possessed of all other advantages.
- Aristotle
Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.
- Jacques Delille
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies,
but even more to stand up to your friends.
- J.K. Rowling
True friends are those who lift you up
when your heart's wings forget how to fly.
- Anonymous
Friends are God's apology for relations.
- Hugh Kingsmille
Friends are those rare people who ask how we are
and then wait to hear the answer.
- Anonymous
In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Fate makes us family. choice makes us friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Sometimes new love comes between old friends.
Sometimes the best love was the one that was always there.
- Anonymous
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience:
this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain
Friends are born, not made.
- Henry Adams
Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong
Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
- Anonymous
No man is the whole of himself;
his friends are the rest of him.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
When true friends meet in adverse hour,
'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower.
A watery way an instant seen,
The darkly closing clouds between.
- Sir Walter Scott
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous
The difference between men friends and women friends
is that men tend to do things together,
women tend to just be together.
- Art Jahnke
I no doubt deserved my enemies,
but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
- Walt Whitman
I get by with a little help from my friends.
- John Lennon
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
When friends stop being frank and useful to each other,
the whole world loses some of its radiance.
- Anatole Broyard
Books and friends should be few but good.
- Anonymous
The best time to make friends is before you need them.
- Ethel Barrymore
The best way to keep your friends
is not to give them away.
- Wilson Mizner
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.