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Let these funny Stock Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I like to talk about a thing I call a "practiced pause."
Just a few moments of pausing allows me
to consider a circumstance and take stock
of what the best direction might be.
Reactions tend to rise from habit and unconsidered action.
A Response is considered and thoughtful.
My actions are my own and I am, singularly,
responsible for what I see, say, feel and exert.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.