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Funny Smoking Quotes
Funny Quotes about Smoking

Let these funny Smoking Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

There are six components of wellness:
proper weight and diet,
proper exercise, breaking the smoking habit,
control of alcohol, stress management and periodic exams.
- Kenneth H. Cooper


 

Parents should not smoke in order to discourage their kids from smoking.
A child is more likely to smoke when they have been
raised in the environment of a smoker.
- Christy Turlington

Such lifestyle factors such as cigarette smoking,
excessive alcohol consumption, little physical activity
and low dietary calcium intake are risk factors for
osteoporosis as well as for many other non-communicable diseases.
- Gro Harlem Brundtland

There are no crowds out there demanding to see smoking scenes in movies.
- Joe Eszterhas


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I was a militant smoker, and in my case,
I think I particularly used smoking because what I
felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking.
- Joe Eszterhas

Often when a person can't get past stress,
she will turn to overeating, drinking or smoking,
which can become a greater problem than the stress itself.
- Marilu Henner

I've never heard of anybody smoking a joint and going on a rampage.
It makes you lie around on the floor and look at the ceiling.
What's wrong with that?
- Billy Bob Thornton

I quit smoking well over twenty years ago.
- Shelley Berman

Oh yeah, the preacher's kid has to be the baddest one.
If everyone is smoking weed, we've got to smoke crack.
If you're throwing rocks, we've got to throw bigger rocks.
- Nick Cannon

Nobody should smoke cigarettes - and smoking with an
ulcer is like pouring gasoline on a burning house.
- Sara Murray Jordan

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs.
The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.
- Steve Allen

Well, I decided to stop.
And I did.
I stopped smoking, and I stopped speed at the same time.
- Larry Hagman

I'm more proud of quitting smoking than of anything
else I've done in my life,
including winning an Oscar.
- Christine Lahti

Self-righteousness has killed more people than smoking.
- John McCarthy

I'm actually doing a show.
from my shed.
on the internet.
but it won't be music or anything, it's more to do
with drinking and smoking.
it's an art piece.
- Vince Clarke

Seventy-five percent of women who smoke would like to quit,
and yet only two to three percent quit every year...
It's significant because we can help women quit smoking.
- David Satcher

You may have heard that back in the States there are
some people who are smoking grass.
I don't know how you feel, but it's sure easier than cutting the stuff.
- Pat Morita

You're always better off if you quit smoking;
it's never too late.
- Loni Anderson

Look at any black-and-white movie; everybody is smoking.
- Loni Anderson

I like to think of myself at home in the armchair,
writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop.
- Stephen Fry

The problem here is that there will always be some
uncertainty about how quickly Saddam can acquire nuclear weapons.
But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.
- Condoleezza Rice

I wasn't driving down the wrong side of the street,
smoking marijuana, waving my gun out the window.
- Coolio

I look at smoking as a crutch, and as an actor I would
like strip away as many crutches as possible.
- Claire Forlani

Yeah, well, I finally stopped smoking for good.
- Liam Neeson

When I was an art student in the early 60's before
the acid scene began I was smoking pot just like anyone else who was an artist.
- Bill Griffith

Smoking calms me down.
It's enjoyable.
I don't want politicians deciding what is exciting in my life.
- David Hockney

The upside to smoking is that you get to be social.
I was looking for a light when I bumped into Ben Harper's manager.
A couple of days later, Ben and I were in the studio.
- Beth Orton

You live these three months in this reality,
in this dark reality.
You don't want to do those films every year because they're taxing.
I started smoking a lot of cigarettes.
- Vin Diesel

We're one of the forces that causes actors to fasten
seat belts before they take off chasing the bad guy in the car...
or removes some of the cigarette smoking on television.
- Gerald McRaney

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving,
you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
- Clement Freud

A broken heart is what makes life so wonderful five years later,
when you see the guy in an elevator and he is fat and
smoking a cigar and saying long-time-no-see.
- Phyllis Battelle

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of
the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

The true face of smoking is disease,
death and horror -
not the glamour and sophistication the pushers in the
tobacco industry try to portray.
- David Byrne

I just don't want anyone messing around with my pure smoking pleasure.
- Max Cannon

Get me well so I can get on television and tell people to stop smoking.
- Nat King Cole

I think it's wrong the way they criminalize herb.
There are many more uses than just smoking.
Beneficial to mankind.
- Ziggy Marley

I do smoke in real life.
A lot.
We're all smoking right now in fact.
- Michael Imperioli

Impotence is one of the major hazards of cigarette smoking.
- Loni Anderson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking,
sex, and rich food.
He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
- Johnny Carson

I was never directly pressured by peers,
but by surrounding myself with others who were experimenting
with smoking provided a certain false comfort.
- Christy Turlington

Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.
- Lara Flynn Boyle

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them...
Well, it's killing me!
- Wendy Leibman

My mom started smoking when she was 11.
She went to the hill next door to try her first cigarette.
She set the entire hill on fire, but it didn't deter her.
- Loni Anderson

Saying sulfates do not cause acid rain is the same
as saying that smoking does not cause lung cancer.
- Drew Lewis

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

Acting for me is not a bad habit like smoking that
I must make an effort to quit.
I love acting; I love directing.
- Joan Chen

Quoting, like smoking, is a dirty habit to which I am devoted.
- Carolyn Heilbrun

I would be very proud to have influenced anyone that
I know or don't know to quit smoking.
- Christy Turlington

Every citizen who stops smoking, or loses a few pounds,
or starts managing his chronic disease with real diligence,
is caulking a crack for the benefit of us all.
- Mitch Daniels

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now
in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.
- Bill Maher

Smoking is related to practically every terrible thing that can happen to you.
- Loni Anderson

Smoking is hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain,
and dangerous to the lungs.
- King James I

Tobacco exports should be expanded aggressively because
Americans are smoking less.
- Dan Quayle

I think the reason kids get into drugs and smoking
is they don't have anything to do.
- Richard Thompson

Listening to a news broadcast is like smoking a cigarette
and crushing the butt in the ashtray.
- Milan Kundera

Once you are hooked, smoking is harder to quit then heroin.
- Loni Anderson

To me, being grown-up meant smoking cigarettes,
drinking cocktails, and dressing up in high heels and glamourous outfits.
- Lorna Luft

Well, I quit smoking three weeks ago and I had a hard day today not smoking.
- Eric Roberts

This was in '79.
I got pretty restless there, sitting around with a
lot of people sitting around smoking cigarettes and talking about films,
but nobody really doing anything.
- Renny Harlin

It totally ruins my voice.
I quit smoking, drinking, and doing ecstasy.
- Mark Hoppus

I don't know how it started but someone must have noticed
I was always chewing tobacco or smoking a pipe.
- Hank Sauer

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself,
it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep,
and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
- Mark Twain

There are enough no smoking places now.
- David Hockney

My dad had emphysema and both of my parents had chronic
bronchitis and ended up with cancers -
all smoking related.
- Loni Anderson

I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink,
and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigarette.
I just don't think those things are right for me.
- Elvis Presley

So smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying.
I smoke because it's bad, it's really simple.
- Damien Hirst

Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.
- George Dennison Prentice

I was with some Vietnamese recently,
and some of them were smoking two cigarettes at the same time.
That's the kind of customers we need!
- Jesse Helms


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