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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Screen Quotes
Funny Quotes about Screen

Let these funny Screen Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Life - for most people - is their past projected large
onto the movie screen of their future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Visualize your end result as having already been accomplished.
Let the image of your success play on the giant screen
in full color with surround sound -
so real you can smell and taste it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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God screens us evermore from premature ideas.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle


 

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

I don't know if we each have a destiny,
or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze.
But I, I think maybe it's both.
- the movie Forrest Gump

If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein

Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day;
live life to the fullest;
make the most of what you have.
It is later than you think.
- Horace

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

Our brain is the factory of the emotions
- don Miguel Ruiz

Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus

All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei

I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's
most effective criticism until you provoke him.
Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
- Henry David Thoreau

Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
- Albert Einstein

The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever
to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it.
- Oscar Wilde


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.