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Let these funny Sanity Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
- Mark Twain
Guilt is about actions or behavior;
while shame is about the self.
- "Dr. Sanity"
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
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Of course I am afraid. What sane man is not?
- Luciano Pavarotti
The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people
is that they trigger confusion in us
that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with.
To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves,
we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.
- Pema Chodron
One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life
comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.