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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Salad Quotes
Funny Quotes about Salad

Let these funny Salad Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is remarkable how closely the history of the apple tree
is connected with that of man.
- Henry David Thoreau

Not all Heroes wear capes.
- On an Apple Inc. "Genius Bar" T-shirt

One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke


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Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Don't live down to expectations.
Go out there and do something remarkable.
- Wendy Wasserstein

Manage the remarkable balance between acting
from your heart and close to your gifts
with completing the obligations
that your labor and tasks require of you.
Leverage opportunity AND seize joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


 

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude to me is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than success,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill.
It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past ...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you ...
we are in charge of our attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.