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Let these funny Rob Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Some'll rob you with a six gun,
Some with a fountain pen.
- Woody Guthrie
No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers
of acting and reasoning as fear.
- Edmund Burke
Shrinking away from death
is something unhealthy and abnormal -
which robs the second half of life of its purpose.
- Carl Jung
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,
it only saps today of its joy.
- Leo Buscaglia
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I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known.
- Michel de Montaigne
Friendship, like the immortality of the soul,
is too good to be believed.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Only those who can leave behind everything they
have ever believed in can hope to escape.
- William S. Burroughs
Even the truth, when believed, is a lie.
You must experience the truth, not believe it.
- Werner Erhard
Real love is never a selfish emotion.
If you want something from someone -
especially if that something is sex -
what you are feeling is not true love.
True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -
and not about seeking happiness for yourself.
Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence
is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.
Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing
we would choose never to see that person again
if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
What this country needs is a credit card for
charging things to experience.
- Tom Wilson
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Facts are stubborn things,
but statistics are more pliable.
- Laurence J. Peter
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We don't see things as they are,
we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin
All things share the same breath -
the beast, the tree, the man...
the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)
Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous
One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu
You will always have habits -
things you do regularly and without conscious thought -
but you do have the ability to CHOOSE your habits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves.
- Thomas Edison
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
It all depends on how we look at things,
and not how they are in themselves.
- Carl Jung
In a separation it is the one
who is not really in love
who says the more tender things.
- Marcel Proust
Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.