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Let these funny Reply Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;
they listen with the intent to reply.
- Stephen R. Covey
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
- Matthew 22:36-40
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May we so love as never to have occasion
to repent of our love!
- Henry David Thoreau
We will have to repent in this generation,
not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people,
but for the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
We never repent of having eaten too little.
- Thomas Jefferson
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.