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Funny Recorded Quotes
Funny Quotes about Recorded

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The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Anthropology demands the open-mindedness
with which one must look and listen,
record in astonishment
and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess.
- Margaret Mead


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The way to develop self-confidence
is to do the thing you fear
and get a record of successful experiences behind you.
- William Jennings Bryan

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy
of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never mind what others do;
do better than yourself,
beat your own record from day to day,
and you are a success.
- William J. H. Boetcker


 

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud. It does not dishonor others,
It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
- Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

No stream rises higher than its source.
Whatever man might build, could never
express or reflect more than he was.
He could record neither more nor less
than he had learned of life.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If you have never experienced the practice
of daily journaling, give it a try. I highly recommend it.
When I say "journaling," I am not referring to a diary
in which to record the events of your life,
I am talking about a place to record your feelings -
a friend with whom to share your troubles, fears, hopes, and dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I've always had a love for poetry,
and when I got signed to a record label I thought,
"How odd that I'm doing a record before a book of poetry."
- Jewel

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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