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Let these funny Recently Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
I confessed recently to an old friend,
"I realized I was looking at you,
in your visit, through old glasses.
Speaking old words.
Telling old stories.
I realize that in my life I've made so many
physical changes and I need to give my spirit time to catch up."
Time for my spirit to look at my friend
through the new glasses of current life experiences.
Old friends are precious.
They become even more treasured when they are wrapped
in the currentness of life experiences
and not relegated to the past in which they once lived.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
LOVE LETTERS TO YOURSELF
This is taken from a love letter (a gentle reminder)
I wrote to myself recently.
Live in your joy today.
Be authentic. Love yourself. First.
Love others from your own abundance.
Life Changes. Circumstances change.
Sometimes you try to fit your old way
of being into new circumstances
rather than becoming new yourself.
Embrace transformation as an opportunity.
And keep on writing love letters to yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Recall a recent time when someone was strongly critical
of your opinions (perhaps your political or religious beliefs).
Now, put yourself in their shoes - with compassion.
Try to understand and appreciate their point-of-view -
not to change your own opinions,
but to celebrate all our human differences - in peace.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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The clearest way to show what the rule of law
means to us in everyday life
is to recall what has happened when there is no rule of law.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
- John Muir
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Simple living is the way to happy living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell
Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela
We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
When you dance, your purpose is not to get
to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
The most effective way to do it, is to do it.
- Amelia Earhart
The only way to discover the limits of the possible
is to go beyond them into the impossible.
- Arthur C. Clarke
Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.
- Audre Lorde
The most effective way to cope with change
is to help create it.
- L. W. Lynett
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
We are addicted to being the way we are
- don Miguel Ruiz
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
When ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
- Anais Nin
Humans are allergic to change.
They love to say, "We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus
We will either find a way or make one.
- Hannibal
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.