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Funny Random Sayings

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It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say,
but what we are unable to say.
- Anais Nin

Never stop dreaming your inspired future.
Believing in your dreams is only the first step,
but unless you have a dream that you believe in,
you are leaving your future to random chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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Do feuds ever end?
Only when both sides shake hands,
and agree that there is no winner, no loser,
only people who have wearied of fighting
and desire to live in peace.
For many years, Northern Ireland was locked
in a murderous and seemingly unending feud.
The key to ending the feud was a shared commitment
that peace was more important than vengeance.
That is always the choice to be made.
The organizers of an April 10, 2009
joint Protestant-Catholic commemoration
of the Northern Ireland dead,
comprised of members of the once-outlawed Sinn Fein
as well as their once-avowed enemies,
referred to, "the terrible, random nature
of death in war and civil conflict."
Some lessons have been learned, many more remain.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill


 

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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