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Let these funny Prompts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Pity may represent little more
than the impersonal concern
which prompts the mailing of a check,
but true sympathy is the personal concern
which demands the giving of one's soul.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
One ought never to turn one's back
on a threatened danger and try to run away from it.
If you do that, you will double the danger.
But if you meet it promptly and without flinching,
you will reduce the danger by half.
Never run away from anything. Never!
- Winston Churchill
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.