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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Prompts Quotes
Funny Quotes about Prompts

Let these funny Prompts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Pity may represent little more
than the impersonal concern
which prompts the mailing of a check,
but true sympathy is the personal concern
which demands the giving of one's soul.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

One ought never to turn one's back
on a threatened danger and try to run away from it.
If you do that, you will double the danger.
But if you meet it promptly and without flinching,
you will reduce the danger by half.
Never run away from anything. Never!
- Winston Churchill

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland


 

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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