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Let these funny Profane Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Night is certainly more novel and less profane than day.
- Henry David Thoreau
Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
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The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day,
if I did not laugh I should die.
- Abraham Lincoln
Even from the darkest night songs of beauty can be born.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things
which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allen Poe
Know that the darkest night is often
the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The less I take the difficulties of my life as personal affront,
and the more I use them as an opportunity to learn and grow...
the easier I sleep at night.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Laughter is day, and sobriety is night;
a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both,
more bewitching than either.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Dying is a wild night and a new road.
- Emily Dickinson
Keep a grateful journal. Every night,
list five things you are grateful for.
- Oprah Winfrey
A man can do only what he can do.
But if he does that each day he can sleep at night
and do it again the next day.
- Albert Schweitzer
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
One of the oldest human needs is having someone
to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead
If the stars should appear
but one night every thousand years
how man would marvel and stare.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers
A man is a success if he gets up in
the morning and gets to bed at night,
and in between he does what he wants to do.
- Bob Dylan
Good night, and good luck.
- Edward R. Murrow
My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding
Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Bold Light of Spirit:
Out of the darkness and into the light,
Open our eyes and behold such a sight.
Brilliance of day takes the place of the night,
Boldness and courage are swords of His Might.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well, it seems to me that the best relationships -
the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.
You know, one day you look at the person
and you see something more than you did the night before.
Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is...
suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
- Dana Scully
On life's journey, faith is nourishment,
virtuous deeds are a shelter,
wisdom is the light by day
and right mindfulness is the protection by night.
If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.
- The Buddha
New Year's eve is like every other night;
there is no pause in the march of the universe,
no breathless moment of silence among created things
that the passage of another twelve months may be noted;
and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening
that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
- Hamilton Wright Mabie
The ending of a job or a relationship
may appear as the darkest night,
but it is merely the Winter season -
the time of renewal and rebirth
that precedes the new planting -
the beginning of the next great cycle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
- Crowfoot (Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890)
I Did Not Die
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
- Anonymous
I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still in each new dawn.
- Traditional Native American Prayer
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
You have to be an original individual;
you have to find your innermost core on your own,
with no guide, no guiding scriptures.
It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry
you are bound to come to the sunrise.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry
has found the sunrise.
Others only believe.
Those who believe are not religious,
they are simply avoiding the great adventure
of religion by believing.
- Osho
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
Human beings must have action;
and they will make it if they cannot find it.
- Albert Einstein
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.