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Let these funny Precarious Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
- Larry David
All progress is precarious, and the solution
of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
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The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray
Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Let parents bequeath to their children
not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
- Plato
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
- Roe Fulkerson
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou
My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals
relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship.
They will be loving to each other,
but not being possessive of each other.
They will be sharing with each other
all their joys and all their blessings,
but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating,
thinking of enslaving the other person.
- Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.