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Let these funny Preaching Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I like the silent church before the service begins,
better than any preaching.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is no use walking anywhere to preach
unless our walking is our preaching.
- St. Francis of Assisi
The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung
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When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role,
is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel.
Not as a preacher, not as a leader,
but as a reflection of us all.
- John Lennon
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
- John Lennon
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Is it ignorance or apathy?
Hey, I don't know and I don't care.
- Jimmy Buffett
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
Know that the greatest fear is fear of the unknown.
Seek to meet the unknown with courage and a sense of adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
You wanna know the meaning of life?
Fugedaboudit - It ain't happnin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)
Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Know thyself.
- Socrates (inscribed on the ancient Greek temple at Delphi)
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman
Life is a game - a game you can never win.
You already know the final score: Life 1, You 0.
Doesn't mean you can't have fun playing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I see your smile,
and I know it's not for me,
that's when I'll miss you.
- Anonymous
Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain
Know that your life is designed to be an adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.