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Let these funny Preacher Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role,
is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel.
Not as a preacher, not as a leader,
but as a reflection of us all.
- John Lennon
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung
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It is no use walking anywhere to preach
unless our walking is our preaching.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
I like the silent church before the service begins,
better than any preaching.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.