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Let these funny Preach Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung
It is no use walking anywhere to preach
unless our walking is our preaching.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
- St. Francis of Assisi
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Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role,
is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel.
Not as a preacher, not as a leader,
but as a reflection of us all.
- John Lennon
I like the silent church before the service begins,
better than any preaching.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60.
They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.