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Let these funny Portions Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off
a portion of one's being,
but by integration of the contraries.
- Carl Jung
Humility must always be the portion of any man
who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers
and the sacrifices of his friends.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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The only gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have always held firmly to the thought
that each one of us can do a little
to bring some portion of misery to an end.
- Albert Schweitzer
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There comes a time in every man's education
when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance,
that imitation is suicide,
that he must take himself for better or for worse as his portion.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friendship is but another name for an alliance
with the follies and the misfortunes of others.
Our own share of miseries is sufficient:
why enter then as volunteers into those of another?
- Thomas Jefferson
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes
is a sign of want of education.
To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.
To accuse neither oneself nor others
shows that one's education is complete.
- Epictetus
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
do be my enemy - for friendship's sake.
- William Blake
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
True friendship is never serene.
- Marquise de Sevigne
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Friendship that flows from the heart
cannot be frozen by adversity,
as the water that flows from the spring
cannot congeal in winter.
- James Fenimore Cooper
Above all else, my inspiration is friendship.
- Bono
Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold;
But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friendship with one's self is all important,
because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire
No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny
without leaving some mark on it forever.
- Francois Muriac
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
A true friendship always feels safe and comfortable.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.