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Let these funny Plums Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
We are tired of aristocratic explanations in Harvard words.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.