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Let these funny Philosophers Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,
adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. -
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are not to give credit to the many,
who say that none ought to be educated but the free;
but rather to the philosophers,
who say that the well-educated alone are free.
- Epictetus
God is the great mysterious motivator of what we call nature,
and it has often been said by philosophers,
that nature is the will of God.
And I prefer to say that nature
is the only body of God that we shall ever see.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
There never was and is not likely soon to be
a nation of philosophers,
nor am I certain it is desirable that there should be.
- Henry David Thoreau
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My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
To a philosopher all news,
as it is called, is gossip,
and they who edit and read it
are old women over their tea.
- Henry David Thoreau
To the philosopher,
death is but the next great adventure.
- J. K. Rowling
Social progress can be measured
by the social position of the female sex.
- Karl Marx
(German philosopher and political economist
whose ideas are credited as the foundation of modern communism)
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
An unsolicited suggestion is
undistinguishable from a criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
- Publilius Syrus
No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero
How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
You are perfect. You are complete.
Your inner voice always knows what to do,
but it is a quiet voice.
You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice -
your inner compass - when you turn down the volume
of your fears, your regrets, your resentments,
and the fear-based advice
your neighbors are so willing to give you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.