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Funny Parenthood Quotes
Funny Quotes about Parenthood

Let these funny Parenthood Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Parenthood and family come first for me,
and when I'm not working I'm cool with the Teletubbies.
- Clive Owen

Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing
of children that they miss the glory of parenthood,
just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves.
- Marcelene Cox

Parenthood always comes as a shock.
Postpartum blues? Postpartum panic is more like it.
We set out to have a baby; what we get is a total take-over of our lives.
- Polly Berrien Berends

Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.
- Alvin Toffler


 

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more
than feeding the hand that bites you.
- Peter De Vries

Parenthood is not an object of appetite or even desire.
It is an object of will.
There is no appetite for parenthood;
there is only a purpose or intention of parenthood.
- Robin G. Collingwood

Cloning looks like a degrading of parenthood and a
perversion of the right relation between parents and children.
- Leon Kass


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I know how sobering and exhausting parenthood is.
But the reality is that our children's future depends on us as parents.
Because we know that the first years truly last forever.
- Rob Reiner

Becoming a mother cannot help but change things.
An author's life is reflected in their writing,
whether they want it to be or not, and parenthood is
one of the biggest life changes there is.
- Sarah Zettel

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice,
they're interested in peace and quiet.
- Bill Cosby

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter how calmly you try to referee,
parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior,
and I'm not talking about the kids.
Their behavior is always normal.
- Bill Cosby

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:
take it or leave it.
- Buddy Hackett

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

I don't have to look up my family tree,
because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family
belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
- Rodney Dangerfield

That married couples can live together day after day
is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby

Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)

Let parents bequeath to their children
not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
- Plato

The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou

Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
- Roe Fulkerson

Nothing separates the generations more than music.
By the time a child is eight or nine,
he has developed a passion for his own music that is
even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

I live quietly at home among my family and friends.
- Antonio Tabucchi

We love to be with our family and friends and I can
tell you that lots of eating will be involved.
- Julia Barr

I find the family the most mysterious and fascinating
institution in the world.
- Amos Oz

Family life itself, that safest, most traditional,
most approved of female choices, is not a sanctuary:
It is,
perpetually, a dangerous place.
- Margaret Drabble

I have a family to support.
And I'm not always going to be doing exactly what I want to do.
- Patrick Warburton

I grew up in a very religious family.
I could read the Qu'ran easily at the age of five.
- Akhmad Kadyrov

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

I would love a family.
I'm at the age where the wish for a child gets stronger.
But who knows.
- Cameron Diaz

I am the family face; flesh perishes,
I live on.
- Thomas Hardy

I've always put my family first and that's just the way it is.
- Jamie Lee Curtis

The love of family and the admiration of friends is
much more important than wealth and privilege.
- Charles Kuralt

I don't know if I believe in marriage.
I believe in family, love and children.
- Penelope Cruz

If one is desperate for love, I suggest looking at
one's friends and family and see if love is all around.
If not, get a new set of friends, a new family.
- Jasmine Guy

My family comes first.
Maybe that's what makes me different from other guys.
- Bobby Darin

My family is my strength and my weakness.
- Aishwarya Rai

Family, nature and health all go together.
- Olivia Newton-John

Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A family can develop only with a loving woman as its center.
- Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.
- Ron Reagan

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint
when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.
- Robert Frost

I don't think anyone has a normal family.
- Edward Furlong

I never did quite fit the glamour mode.
It is life with my husband and family that is my high now.
- Patty Duke

Tennis just a game, family is forever.
- Serena Williams

I'm not much of a family man.
I'm just not that into it.
I love kids, I adore them, but I don't want to live my life for them.
- Sting

If I had no family, my wife and I would lead a much
more romantic and nomadic existence.
- David McCallum

The attempt to redefine the family as a purely voluntary
arrangement grows out of the modern delusion that people
can keep all their options open all the time.
- Christopher Lasch


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