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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Orange Quotes
Funny Quotes about Orange

Let these funny Orange Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is remarkable how closely the history of the apple tree
is connected with that of man.
- Henry David Thoreau

Not all Heroes wear capes.
- On an Apple Inc. "Genius Bar" T-shirt

One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke


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Don't live down to expectations.
Go out there and do something remarkable.
- Wendy Wasserstein

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Manage the remarkable balance between acting
from your heart and close to your gifts
with completing the obligations
that your labor and tasks require of you.
Leverage opportunity AND seize joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


 

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude to me is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than success,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill.
It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past ...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you ...
we are in charge of our attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.