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Funny Oldest Quotes
Funny Quotes about Oldest

Let these funny Oldest Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the oldest human needs is having someone
to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead

One of the greatest cause of unhappiness -
perhaps even the only cause of unhappiness - is comparison.
I remember as a young child hearing my mother say,
"Comparisons are odious."
That is one of the oldest sayings in the English language,
and one of the most important.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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Is the babe young? When I behold it,
it seems more venerable than the oldest man.
- Henry David Thoreau

The newest computer can merely compound, at speed,
the oldest problem in the relations between human beings,
and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem,
of what to say and how to say it.
- Edward R. Murrow

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel


 

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill

It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.
- Brigitte Bardot

I'm saving that rocker for the day
when I feel as old as I really am.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

And in the end, it's not
the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

To a philosopher all news,
as it is called, is gossip,
and they who edit and read it
are old women over their tea.
- Henry David Thoreau

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

Getting old is a fascination thing.
The older you get, the older you want to get.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process,
gradually changing opinions,
slowly eroding old barriers,
quietly building new structures.
- John F. Kennedy

Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman

Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
- Henry David Thoreau

To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein

The best mirror is an old friend.
- Proverb

I have nothing new to teach the world.
Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills.
All I have done is to try experiments
in both on as vast a scale as I could.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Sometimes new love comes between old friends.
Sometimes the best love was the one that was always there.
- Anonymous

"Be Prepared."
"Be prepared for what?"
"Why, for any old thing."
- Robert Baden-Powell,
the founder of Scouting.
[as quoted in the Boy Scout Handbook]

He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison

Often, the greatest joy is to be found not in new things,
but in old things seen through new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A mind that is stretched by a new experience
an never go back to its old dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I can't understand why people
are frightened by new ideas.
I'm frightened of old ones.
- John Cage

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary
to put all the play and learning into childhood,
all the work into middle age,
and all the regrets into old age.
- Margaret Mead

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind.
The time is always right to do the right thing.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

No one should ever sit in this office over 70 years old,
and that I know.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
- Henry David Thoreau

As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Old is the new new.
- Anonymous

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty, never grows old.
- Franz Kafka

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
- Robert Browning

When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill

I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde

A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine

Forgiveness is the cleansing fire
that burns away old regrets and resentments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

As long as any adult thinks that he,
like the parents and teachers of old,
can become introspective,
invoking his own youth to understand
the youth before him,
he is lost.
- Margaret Mead

A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams.
- Yiddish Proverb

To be seventy years young is sometimes
far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
- John Leonard


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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